“How Education Shaped Me” (A Cultural Autobiography)

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I have spent my whole life living like a frightened dog. I’ve grown the need to guard my words and actions whenever my parents are around or not. I have always lived my entire life succumbing to what they want though we feel so trapped by their maze. Does that sound like life for you? I bet it’s not, but for me it is. I just hope it won’t carry on until the remaining years of my life.

Childhood has never been fun for me. As a child, I was a silent and a shy type. I never had my own circle of friends. I didn’t know if they don’t like me or it’s just me who didn’t want to mingle with them. Unlike any other kid, friendship for me was unimportant. For me it was something I could live without.

I remember my teacher in Kinder 2 telling my mother that I was too fond of drawing even in class. I drew thin princesses, flowers and mansions even when recess and play time. I couldn’t stand not doing it even for a short while. I didn’t feel the need to go out of the classroom and run around the play ground.

Drawing different things was like my outlet and shock absorber. It helps me release all my anxieties as a child. In my pieces of drawing, I was a princess who has many friends. I had a beautiful and classy name, and everyone wants to be with me. I lived in a castle with my wealthy family. Those were my fantasies drawn in my pad papers and notebooks. It used to be my source of joy. I loved it that much that I didn't want to do anything else aside from it. It’s like my pieces were as big as life. Everything in it felt surreal. It made my life easier despite my apprehensions as a loner and a late bloomer.

Growing up at home was difficult for me. It feels as if I was too contained within the four walls of our house. We weren't allowed to go out from the borders of our lot. I didn’t even have any friends from the neighborhood. I grew accustomed being a home body. I guess it will never be removed from me anymore. That was why the only hobby I had as a child was drawing and nothing else.

When I was young, I was taught to honor God and do things according to His will. I studied in a seventh day Adventist academy from Kinder until Grade 4. Basically, I spent my childhood days there. We were always tasked to familiarize different Bible characters and their exemplifying stories. My teachers told us the wonders of God, and that we should obey His commandments.

I belong in a Christian home. My mother brought up my sisters and me the conservative and Godly way. Every Sunday, we had to wake up early and get ourselves ready by nine for the praise and worship service, as we call it. We were also invited to join the Sunday school which I also learned to love. I was one of those who knew a lot about Bible facts. For that, our teacher always gave me due recognition which gave me a chance to be number one in children’s Sunday school.

Unlike in church, I wasn't number one at school until my mother decided to transfer me to a public school. I didn't like that idea because of some factors. I didn’t want to be away from those few kids, I considered as friends. I also despise public schools back then because I thought they were below average. Eventually, I still gave in because I didn’t have any control over those matters.

The new school was far from the old school I used to attend to. It was grassy, and the buildings looked too old. I didn’t like the facilities. I remember when our adviser told my mother that we were required to clean our classrooms and gardens every morning. I hated it because we were not like that in private school. That was the first time I had to hold a “bolo”. Not just even holding it, I had to use it too. We had to dig and cultivate soil for our garden. We were not allowed to rest when it’s still time to clean. That’s the only ting I hate in public elementary schools.

To my surprise, that school proved me wrong. As days passed, I learned that it was well-known in producing successful students. They always sent delegates in competitions who were constant winners. From that school, I was trained how to write a composition. One of the best teachers in that school even offered me a position in our school paper. That was one of the most memorable days of my life as a student. Se gave me a chance to prove myself from the field I never thought I would belong to- journalism.

In the private school attended, I was just nothing but in the public school used to despise, I was one of the best. They honed and developed my skills as a writer. They let me join press conferences and quiz shows. I am proud to say that I was always one of the winners, not to mention being a champion. I learned a lot of thins from that school. Things that were not just spoon-fed, but things I learned by myself. Because of those achievements, I became the class valedictorian. My classmates even called me “The Walking Dictionary” for being the constant highest in spelling quizzes.

I could really say I grew up striving for achievements. I was not born with a golden spoon, but I was proud to have been gifted with such knowledge and skills which made me excel in class. My classmates in my old school were still the same old them while I exceeded and came pass their way. Right then I thought that I may not be as rich as them but I was more functional than them. It’s pretty obvious that I really had that insecure way of thinking, but I admit that it’s true.

As I grew up, I became insecure with what others had that I didn’t have. I was a silent girl that’s why I had a lot of insecurities. I always wanted to speak confidently but unfortunately, I wasn’t trained to be that way. I dreamed of becoming part of a debating team but again I was not blessed to have wit. Fro the past years, I have always been tagged as the quiet and mysterious girl. It still hasn’t changed until now, and I think it’s not quite good.

Though others may find it hard, I had learned to love remaining a private person. I don’t go out with friends. I don’t hang out to loud places. I don’t have any vice too. I am a conservative person, but I would like to believe that I have a mature mind. I am open to different things. I don’t even hesitate to talk about sensitive matters.

I guess it’s true that I am truly a deviant of my family. Among my sisters, I am the only one who openly disagrees with what my parents make of us. I don’t like the way they handle us. They are too strict, not to let us out even when we needed it especially at school. I have been disobeying them for the past years without them knowing about it. It may be so mean but I just grew tires of their rules.

My parents began not to give high expectations on me when I reached high school. I stopped being an achiever. I wasn’t part of the honor students, though I luckily became part of the first section. I realized that my time really passes, that’s why I eventually gave up. I didn’t become part of the limelight until I was in 4th year.

In college, I became more rebellious that I even joined a sorority though I was not allowed to. The moment I said yes to my masters made a turning point in my life. I became more aggressive with the way I deal with my parents. That’s what I got from mingling with my former clique- being violent. Because of them, I was about to try some vices like smoking, which I’m not really used to. It was from them where I learned being intense with the way I expressed my opinions and grieves. I tend to say things that are beyond the boundaries of what is accepted by the many.

However, that aggressiveness I used to have, mellowed down when issues came up with my membership in that organization. I began to lose my self-esteem again because everybody started to hate me and call me names. That was the worst situation I ever encountered. I had an inconsistent type of culture which made my identity crises a lot more difficult to deal with. It’s hard because I jumped from one culture to another trying to find out which of them I feel sincerely belong.

What I like most about being in UP is that, everything has that certain depth. It’s not just superficial display only. There are always deeper reasons why something happens. In UP, I learned to use my logic as much as possible especially in looking at the intricacies of a concept or situation. A statement or explanation is not sufficient enough if it’s done without rationality.

The worst thing in UP is that, I developed the character of being snobbish especially to non-UP students. I have the tendency to diminish them. Even the freshmen are also victims of this kind of trait. We make them feel that they should respect the upper class men. I think it’s but normal for UP students to behave that way. We try to live what are expected of us. They overestimate us, and so we try to prove them right. It’s wrong but has already become part of my culture as a UP student.

Despite that UP character, there’s still that factor that put me to my proper place, it’s my fear. I get intimidated with UP professors. It’s like I don’t know anything sensible whenever they are in front, speaking about different things that are new to me. Back in high school, I was one of the best writers, but now I think I am one of the worst. I can’t help but sell myself short whenever I encounter professors in UP. They’re really up there, and I’m down here. Maybe that’s the reason why I look down on others, because I also look down on myself when I’m in UP.

There really are different things that best define my culture. I have learned a good number of values at home and in church, though I also lost some outside those areas. I also admit that I have gained maturity when I began to get along with diverse personalities, and I think it’s one of the good things I am proud of. I may look sensitive and reserved, but actually I’m not. I have gone through instances that sharpened and shaped the way I am now.